Following Wednesday's penalty shootout success against Spurs at the MCG, a shadow Newcastle line-up took to the field in the docklands area of Melbourne to make some unwanted history.

A collection of Academy and Development squad players including several whose contracts will imminently expire made the numbers up against a domestic select XI in a game we recorded as All-Stars against No-Stars.

What followed was as meaningless as the cash cow kickabout two days earlier, but an embarrassing finale to the season nonetheless - and an expensive night out for those who bought travel and tickets to enjoy nothing more than a singsong with fellow black and white sufferers. 

If this is what raising the worldwide profile of the club looks like, then the Magpie experience offered on the field tonight was a throwback to the bad old days when we were a toxic brand.

Speaking after the first game of United's two games down under, Eddie Howe spoke of fielding a younger side, but few thought that it would be quite as weakened as it proved to be....

Any post-season trip would have been less than desirable after the most corrosive and demanding of campaigns, but a long-haul jaunt of this nature before a slew of summer internationals was received particularly badly by those on the passenger list. 

Kieran Trippier went public with his reservations, but many others among the staff and squad were as unhappy with the plan and that looks to have been one of multiple issues that rendered tonight's kickabout even more meaningless than the Spurs one.

Thoughts that the squads would be split over the two games as had happened in the Sela Cup proved to be false. Contractual commitments obligated Eddie Howe and Ange Postecoglu to field recognisable Premier League XIs for their MCG meeting, but while Spurs were able to disperse after one game, we were obliged to stay on for this ill-conceived curtain raiser to a women's game.

(Spurs and their "local hero" boss who moved here aged five should logically have played in this allegedly-prestigious A-League game. "No thanks mate", Ange probably grunted...)

An element of compromise surrounded the selections of the line-ups for the two games in Melbourne; some players unable to travel due to injury, others allowed to miss out and the senior group excused duty after the first game for international training camps or brief holidays. 

Others remained in Oz but and were in the Marvel Stadium - both on the bench and in the stands - but for no purpose. That group included Paul Dummett and Matt Ritchie, who on the face of it should have been on the field trying to guide the next generation rather than watching them. 

Their omission however stemmed from the events of the previous Sunday, when the Magpies squad travelled to Brentford with automatic qualification for Europe still possible. Results didn't fall correctly though before the squad boarded their flight a short time after kick-off, leaving the two veterans with an uncertain future, depending on the outcome of Saturday's FA Cup Final.

On that basis, there was little value in Dummett or Ritchie making what could be final appearances in a Newcastle shirt in either or these two kickabouts and risking injury. Howe had a similar situation as Bournemouth boss after Ryan Fraser downed tools when the COVID-affected season restarted. 

The lack of onfield cohesion Newcastle showed in the game saw the club's academy criticised for failing to deliver players suitable for senior duty, but this youth side was weakened and disjointed - including players already released and others lacking match fitness after barely playing in 2024.  

In addition, none of United's stand-out trio below first team level this season were present: full back Leo Shahar on England duty, winger Trevan Sanusi injured and attacker Alfie Harrison part of a ten man U21 squad taking part in the annual Hong Kong Soccer Sevens tournament.

Fresh from his penalty heroics, 32 year-old goalkeeper Mark Gillespie led out that rookie line-up and they unsurprisingly floundered against an experienced side including four senior internationals.

The A-Leaguers went ahead through Ben Old's fifth minute shot with the NUFC live stream yet to begin for many tuning in. Sadly coverage commenced just in time to see Nicolas Milanovic somehow fail to add a second as his shot hit both posts before bouncing away.

Milanovic didn't have long to wait for a goal though, a tragic defensive error allowing him to touch the ball home from close range with 25 minutes on the clock. 

Seeking their first-ever win, more slack play allowed to Adam Taggart to scoop the ball past a static Gillespie from the edge of the box for 0-3 after 34 minutes.

The one-way traffic continued after the break, the hosts having two efforts chalked off before Apostolos Stamatelopoulos made it four with a simple finish just after the hour.

0-4 became 0-5, substitute Nestory Irankunda making an instant impact as he raced down the right before teeing up Stamatelopoulos to tap the ball past replacement custodian Aidan Harris.

The half dozen was reached with eight minutes left, Jake Hollman walking the ball home before Jordan Courtney -Perkins and Bozhidar Kraev were given similarly easy finishes in the final seconds. 

Anyone who saw the Aussie Mags putting up their flags at the Boat Builders Yard on the South Wharf
would have known straight away that this was the place to be. The other three venues were typically empty for a Friday afternoon in autumn in Melbourne, but the Boat Builders was absolutely pumping from the off. 

The A-League’s Newcastle Jets goalkeeper and self-confessed Newcastle United tragic Ryan Scott was leading away the chants. The Newcastle fans were in full voice in the unconvincing winter sun. 

The party atmosphere from the Precinct in Richmond on Wednesday night had been transported brick by brick to the banks of the Yarra; this could have been Milan, Bruges or anywhere. The Geordie boys were in town.

The early evening kick off meant that the drinking exploits of the Toon massive were well and truly curtailed, but the march to the stadium across the river and through the unremarkable back streets of the Docklands in the fading light was a trip down memory lane for the Newcastle contingent. 

Once more, the United fans were urged to be there early, the free scarves from the Shola Ameobi talk-in the night before ready for a twirling, and the vast surrounds of this AFL oval were again interrupted by a bank of black and white. 

The main event of the evening was the Arsenal Women’s game against the A-League Women’s all-stars (a 1-0 win for the Gooners), but for the travelling Geordies, this was the conclusion, the crescendo and the pinnacle of a fabulous week of fun and games. 

The singing was loud. The Newcastle active section was the only section of the stadium that was full. The Bedlington massive and the Alnwick crew were in full voice, the Hebburn blokes and the Westerhope mags loving the opportunity to sing their songs and show their support.

Seeing the starting line-up was discouraging. Newcastle had no one of anyone of any note, apart
from Mark Gillespie, the newly crowned penalty king of Australia, and the home country’s nearly-
man Garang Kuol, who was the latest subject of the Alan Shearer / Callum Wilson "ooh-aah" chant. We were really scraping the bottom of the barrel here. 

When Lewis Hall and Elliott Anderson were warming up towards the end of the first half, we knew we were in trouble. Already three goals behind, and not putting up anything resembling a fight, this was exactly what we expected, Eddie Howe having suggested quite bluntly on Wednesday night post-game that the team would be full of youngsters. 

The second half was a procession, only one of the two teams showing any desire, former Manchester City man Luke Brattan barely having to break a sweat as his team thrashed the hapless Geordies, Bayern Munich-bound Nestory Irankunda coming on and enjoying the freedom of Marvel Stadium as the goals rained in.

"Eddie Eddie give us a wave", "Tindall Tindall give us a wave", that was enough to appease the punch- drunk Geordie fans. What an absolute calamity in Melbourne, and the scoreline could and should have been many more. 

At the same time that this was a faux-pas for Newcastle United, fielding a woefully poor side against players that are seasoned pros at the top of their game in Australia, it was also a shot in the arm for the A-League, as they showed that you don’t send the kids to play the A-League All Stars. 

The seventh goal from Sydney FC’s Jordan Courtney-Perkins showed the absolute gulf between the men and the boys; this was a tragic evening for a thoroughly underwhelming Newcastle side. 

When added time brought an eighth from Wellington’s Bozhidar Kraev, the volume went up even further from the visiting Geordie fans. If there’s one thing that brings together Newcastle fans, it’s adversity, and the black humour from the away end was as comedic as the football on the field.

Thanks to our Aussie correspondent Paris Pete and George Hall/Barry Humphries for pics