61 secs Bruno Guimaraes played the ball left to Joelinton, who cut inside and rode a series of half challenges before shooting. Hugo Lloris blocked that effort but only succeeded in pushing the ball out to Jacob Murphy, who lashed it into the top of the Leazes End goal. 1-0

6 mins Fabian Schar played a raking pinpoint pass forward to Joelinton, who timed his run impeccably to elude the Spurs backline and take the ball down with a perfect first touch before rounding Lloris and tucking the ball home. Unlike the previous instance of this ploy working at West Ham earlier this month, there was no requirement for VAR to confirm the legitimacy of it. 2-0

9 mins Schar did well to anticipate and intercept a Spurs pass in midfield and played it to Jacob Murphy. He took a touch and turned into space before unleashing a wonderful effort from outside the right of the box. Lloris just stood and watched it nestle into the corner. Poetry. 3-0

19 mins Bruno won the ball deep inside his own half and found Joe Willock out on the United left. With his first touch, Willock hit an unbelievable pass forward with the outside of his right foot that fell perfectly to Alexander Isak as he made his way down the centre of the field in full flight.

The Swede took it in his stride and tucked his shot beyond Lloris into the corner without further ado. Comparisons with Terry Hibbitt's pass at Hillsborough in 1974 and the Supermac finish that followed were rightly made. Willock may have Carl Cort's hairstyle but he doesn't play like him.... 4-0

21 mins Kieran Trippier, Willock and Schar linked up down the Newcastle right and played in Sean Longstaff, who had the presence of mind to back heel it into the path Alexander Isak. He took a touch and shot across a static and shell-shocked Lloris into the far corner from a tight angle. 5-0

Half time: Magpies 5 Spurs 0

49 mins Harry Kane was allowed to complete a solo run down the Spurs left, shrug his way past Fabian Schar and run into the box before finding the far corner of Nick Pope's goal. 5-1

67 mins A passing move involving Miggy Almiron, Bruno, Longstaff and Trippier to the right of the Spurs area led to the Magpies captain finding Miggy in the box. The Paraguayan attempted to shoot but his deflected effort fell nicely for Callum Wilson to tuck the ball low past Fraser Forster into the Gallowgate goal. 6-1

Full time: Magpies 6 Spurs 1

"Newcastle and Atletico (Madrid) have the best supporters I've ever played for, but Newcastle take it up to another level."

sending out an SOS

Interim coach Cristian Stellini said after what proved to be his fourth and final game in charge:

"It’s very embarrassing. We should apologise to the fans. We didn’t show a good face and we could not match the performance of the Newcastle players. We were late in all aspects of the game and we completely missed the first part of the game. The second half is a different story but it’s really painful.

"It is not even about tactics, we just could not fight and we were late. I think Newcastle just had a great performance, they were very aggressive and offensive everywhere they had the ball.

"It is difficult right now to assess the performances but there was a lack of pride. You can get punched once or twice, but it was like we could not even react or bounce back. Newcastle deserve a lot of credit for starting the game at 100 miles per hour. They knew exactly what to do.

"We were not prepared enough to play an important match. We have a good squad, but no one showed how good they are. It was my responsibility to decide the system and we decided to do it differently because we had many injured. 

"It is my responsibility to take this type of decision, I took it and it was wrong. I have to take responsibility because after we changed system, the game was gone, we had to play better and we did. 

"We scored and tried to fight, but it is very difficult to understand why the first 25 minutes were so bad.

"We trained [in a back four]. I was surprised [at how badly the system worked]."

Hooked goalie Hugo Lloris (who claimed he was injured) said:

"It's very embarrassing. The first thing is probably we should apologise to the fans who travelled, the fans who watched the game. Obviously we didn't show a great face.

"We could not match the performance of the Newcastle players. We were late in all the aspects of the game. We completely missed the first part of the game. Obviously the second half is another story. It's really painful.

"It's not even about talking of tactics, it's just we could not fight. Newcastle had a great performance, they were very aggressive, very offensive. Every time they got the ball they were looking forward and, I don't know, it's difficult to assess and analyse the performance. The first things was a lack of pride.

"To concede four goals in 20 minutes... you can get punched once, twice. But it was something strange, like we could not even react. We could not even bounce back into the game, into the performance. But Newcastle deserve a lot of credit. They started the game with power, they were very dynamic and they knew exactly what to do, with the ball and without the ball.

"We can try to find excuses and analyse the performance but the first thing is we miss the fight. In football, if you go on the pitch without the desire to show aggressiveness, to win duels, to win the battle it makes things very hard. Or you have to be very good with the ball technically and tactically. It was a big mess.

"We can't hide behind the club's problems. We are players, we are professional and every time we go onto the field we try to deliver the best but today there was too much lacking in all the aspects. Now there are two other very difficult games in the week and we have to bounce back."

The goals were rapid, instant and magnificent: rapier-like passes dispatched in the manner of an arcade game. Fantasy football doesn't really cover it, as players whose reputations were less than gleaming before underlined the progress made since Eddie Howe got to work on them. It's almost easier to list the ones he hasn't improved.

Five goals by half time were followed by the almost inevitable downshift after the restart, although Isak was a whisker away from connecting with a cross to complete his treble. Some changes from the bench freshened things up to a degree that there one more goal and a further two somehow didn't follow: Anthony Gordon a whisker away from his first as a Magpie and an inadvertent block by Longstaff in the six yard box denying Dan Burn.

The manner and the magnitude of victory took us a physical step closer and added credibility and substance to our Champions League push. After that 90 minutes, belief on and off the pitch has to grow as any element of imposter syndrome recedes. Mentality is as important as fitness and organisation. 

Five wins from our remaining seven games are now needed to guarantee a place in Europe's top competition after a 20 year absence - regardless of what any other team does. That certainly beats anxiously scanning the bottom half of the table once the light nights have returned. 

What a time to be alive.

Biffa