The fourteenth instalment of an increasingly surreal season saw basement dwellers Newcastle fail to defeat the second-worst team in the division, at least according to the current Premier League table. 

Having made a COVID-delayed debut at Arsenal on Saturday, Head Coach Eddie Howe had a bemusing introduction to life in the home dugout at SJP. Forced into a reshuffle after going down to ten men in the first ten minutes, he saw his side go ahead after a hotly-disputed VAR decision only for Martin Dubravka to gift City an equaliser then make a vital stop to win a point.

The enforced absence of Matt Ritchie and Jamaal Lascelles due to suspension meant recalls for Jamal Lewis and Clark to a back four retaining Fabian Schar and swapped Javier Manquillo for Emil Krafth. Federico Fernandez meanwhile returned to the bench - something that Graeme Jones had advised wasn't of "any value" during his brief time as interim coach. 

Latecomers in a 50,000+ crowd were still settling after the Amazon-prompted 7.30pm start when that formation and personnel were wilfully dismantled. Ciaran Clark had a routine clearance to make outside of his box, but kicked the ball straight at Teemu Pukki, allowing the striker to run through on goal. The Newcastle defender illegally halted Pukki's progress by pulling his arm and was then shown a straight red. City's Josh Sargent and Christos Tzolis needlessly embracing Pukki as if he'd scored.

Ryan Fraser was instantly sacrificed in order to introduce Fernandez, while United comfortably dealt with an unhurried City side until the interval; Lewis denying his old colleagues with a timely block of a Josh Sargent shot.

At the other end, the reshuffled 4-3-2 home line-up produced two moments of danger; Joelinton firing narrowly over from distance before captain Wilson emulated him from closer in.

United's Brazilian then pursued the referee after the break when obviously convinced that he'd been fouled in the City box - and his colleagues were soon collectively lobbying for a spot kick when Jonjo Shelvey's corner was diverted on to the outstretched arm of Billy Gilmour around the hour mark.

The ferocity of those protests ultimately saw VAR intervention and Madley invited to walk across to consult the monitor in front of the East Stand with the almost inevitable award of a penalty kick.

That's in stark contrast to Saturday at Arsenal, when a clutch of dubious incidents in the opposition box didn't seem worthy of even a cursory inspection, such was the speed with which the game restarted with the hosts in possession. The moral appears to be make a song and dance as much as possible, basically downing tools to force the officials into making repeated checks.
 
Wilson kept his nerve and netted via Tim Krul's glove and the underside of the Gallowgate End crossbar, leaving United with the job of keeping the Canaries out at all costs.

Things were going to plan until the 79th minute, when Dubravka made poor contact with a cross and Pukki hammered the loose ball home to break black and white hearts.

United attempted to push forward for what would have been an improbable winner but a repeat of the incredible 4-3 added time victory over City here five years ago never looked remotely likely.

The visitors rightly sensed they could get another, as we inevitably became leaden-legged and they were almost served up another gift in added time; Schar stupidly attempting to dribble out of defence and gifting Pierre Lees-Melou possession of the ball.

The Norwich substitute bore down on goal and looked a certain scorer, only for Dubravka to stick out a boot and successfully deflect the ball over the bar. A vital stop, but in the context of a must-win match against fellow strugglers, taking only a point and allowing them one was simply disastrous.

Only Clark can explain his brainlessness which, for an international defender, defied belief. His recent penalty stupidity against Brighton points to him being a liability, although he's certainly not the only one. He just shouldn't be here: any normal club would have allowed their squad to evolve, rather than dissolve.

That tonight was the closest we've come this season to a clean sheet despite being a man short and fielding an out-of-favour substitute barely even registers on the mad scale in this bizarre campaign.

We said after Arsenal that a failure to field Fede here would confirm his career here was over for an as-yet undisclosed reason: a personality clash maybe, or an obscure legal clause that meant exceeding 87 appearances guaranteed a new contract - or the chance to gamble and go for the speedboat.

As it was though, it took the stupidity of Clark to see FF return. Suffice it to say that he should keep his place rather than lose it to Lascelles - assuming Howe now trusts his own first-hand judgement, rather than Jones.

Despite a valiant effort from the ten men on the field, we're quite literally running out of road and a failure to keep clean sheets can only have one consequence. We're now in uncharted territory, at least in the Premier League: nobody has failed to win any of their first 14 games and stayed up.

If nothing else though, we managed to get two actual proper full backs on the field and play them in their preferred positions. Joelinton meanwhile was again an asset and seemed to thrive on the task at hand. Some individual coaching or motivation maybe? rather than just a general "gan on son."

Attention switches to Saturday's visit of Burnley, but beyond that a gruesome sequence of games leading up to the start of 2022 does little to alter the feeling that we'll be totally adrift by the time any reinforcements become eligible to play - assuming that anyone can actually be persuaded to sign.
 
Biffa