Half time: Yeading 0 Newcastle 0

51mins For once United kept it simple and knocked the ball around to feet looking for an opening. Shola Ameobi spotted a good run by Craig Bellamy into the right side of the the penalty area and Bellers looked up to Bowyer unmarked in the six yard box in front of the sparsely populated away end.. 

Once the ball evaded the defender, Lee Bowyer couldn't really miss with the 'keeper protecting his near post. 1-0

61mins Another simple enough goal. Darren Ambrose played in a right-sided free-kick and Shola Ameobi met the cross with a firm header into the corner of the net with the goalie scrambling across his line in vain. 2-0

Full time: Yeading 0 Newcastle 2

Graeme Souness said:

"In the first half we weren't competing enough and I took Bramble off in case he got sent off. If we had gone down to 10 men it would have been very tight.

"Their game plan was to get in there among us and test our resolve and in the first half we were losing too many 50-50s.

"But in the second half we went up a gear. I expected us to be like that from the first minute.

"They pushed us all the way but we were guilty of missing some great chances. We scored two but we could have had another four or five. Until the second goal went in it was game on.

"It was a proper game of football, the sort I would have loved to have played in.

"That's how it should be. They got the best out of their players and as long as it was 2-0 they still had a chance, especially as the swirling wind and the bobbly pitch gave us a hard time.

"But this is what the FA Cup's always been about. It's a great competition, although it's not always been kind to me.

"The BBC were screening it live, all the press were here wanting us to give them some screaming headlines."

This really was a no-win situation for us.

Maybe it's just our paranoia, but it's at times like this that unbelievers show their true colours.

Far from the days of the "Entertainers", we now seem to be perpetually cast in the role of pantomime villain by your average football-watching (and writing) eejit.

A process which began with the demise of Keegan and was accelerated by Kenny and Rudi has now reached end game with the arrival of El Diablo himself in many people's eyes, Graeme Souness.

We enjoyed an Indian Summer when Robson was in charge, but the manner of his departure seems to have put us top of everyone's hit list, with the cartoon tabloids and the supposed quality press sneering over their laptops at every opportunity. 

Today promised an abundance of riches for them, the 21st century Hereford for us.

If there was one over-riding feeling in Monday's newspaper reports, it was of disappointment on the part of a large chunk of the assembled national hacks plus guilty parties in the radio and TV fraternity. Presumably they'd all spent Saturday night working themselves up into a lather gawping at Ronnie bloody Radford's 15 seconds of fame on freeze frame. 

And the rank and file are no different. Yes, for every pub punter with his "I laav Noocarsul" party piece, there's another one whispering "Northern monkeys" under his breath and kicking every ball for the "plucky" non-leaguers. 

Today we had the expected red and white-clad mackem in the main stand, but also at least two Arsenal fans sporting their colours, despite the fact their team was playing just up the road.

A solid two fingers to the lot of them. 

Sorry we spoiled your party, apologies for scoring goals, keeping the opposition out and not staging either a mass fight or group sex session in the centre circle for the benefit of the assembled paparazzi. And the only tunnel bust up came between those Yeading subs who hadn't managed to score a swapped toon shirt....   

But while we have nothing but scorn for various members of the press and the inevitable hangers on who boosted Yeading's crowd of diehards, family and friends, of their team and staff we have nothing but praise.

To a man they looked to have enjoyed their day, seemingly bowled over at the level of response from our fans, who serenaded them at the end of the game. 

Even their manager, who had plenty to say beforehand, confined himself to a few words when handed the microphone by the cringe-worthy PA man.

Unlike our last non-league opponents, this lot were no Stevenage, approaching the tie with some common sense, once they'd stopped jumping all over their clubhouse pool table for the cameras, immediately after the draw had been made, that is....

An attempt to rope Yeading into a urine-extracting (and lucrative) TV advert was turned down, although some daft dressing up and the appearance of what we thought was a Freddy Starr lookalike but was actually Elvis, gave the cameras a healthy dollop of their usual match buildup candyfloss. Harmless stuff though.

To the game then and that no-win situation.

Score a hatful and we're bullies. Sneak through and we're spawny. Concede a goal and see our share value plummet. Lose or draw and stand clear as spontaneous street parties break out across the nation. 

Only an Exeter victory over Manchester United would have provoked more smirks and chortles from the rest of the footie fraternity - even Scunny doing Chelsea.

And you know what? Like Millwall, no-one likes us - we don't care. Being nice and well-liked hasn't proved the most successful of stances has it?

But that doesn't sit well with a cuddly generation of Newcastle supporters who put down their gonks and donned their trendy scarves to take in this game.

A pint of mild and a seat in the snug may be fast approaching for us - along with a glare at the bar staff until they turn that infernal jukebox DOWN - but even allowing for our miserablism, there was something sadly amiss with many of those purporting to support Newcastle here.

Best just to put it down to that London and the head-emptying effect it seems to have on some. But after hearing yet another posh Geordie accent (seemingly modelled on that Gosforth lad from the Pet Shop Boys) accompanied by some clueless Jemima, it was hard not to hanker after a now-departed age of ordinary average punters just turning up to support their team.

Be it banners in support of some vacuous cockney presenter from Sky TV, the tedious shoes off for the lads song, or people imploring Saunders or Boumsong to "give us a wave" (for hell's sake man, the latter was playing - this isn't Pop Idol.)

And the most depressing thing of all? The fact that the loudest cheers of the day from the travelling fans came for the Yeading players. 

Fair enough to give them a cheer, but things just got daft here after the final whistle, with our "we love you Yeading we do" and "You are top of the league." 

As one well-known toon fan commented afterwards: "Well done. Now f*ck off."

The atmosphere has virtually departed from home games and this season it's been dampened down at away games, culminating in this teddy bears picnic. What the hell is going on? Have a clutch of regular travellers really packed in to watch it on the telly, leaving those of us beyond salvation or help to share our section with what could pass for the cast of a building society advert? 

Enough of such trifles: Boumsong and Babayaro debuted, the latter looking more comfortable than the former, who seemed to get a little bogged down on the Loftus Road pitch that had hosted QPR versus Nottingham Forest the previous day. 

Bramble got some slightly rough treatment from the opposition and the referee, resulting in his half time substitution after collecting a booking. In his place came Andy O'Brien for what may be a farewell appearance in Newcastle colours and of course he marked the occasion in typical style - not with a goal but by getting a howk on the sneck with the ball, yet again.

We should have been ahead as early as the first minute and Yeading could well have gone in for their half time cuppa three down, but for some poor finishing and pass selection in front of goal.

But as expected, the adrenaline wore off in the second half and the fitter professionals progressed via two well-executed and simple goals, Yeading not looking in any danger of making a game of it.

Job done. Place in the Fourth Round achieved. On we go. 

Newspapers? chip papers.

Biffa

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