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Sporting Lokeren	0 - 4	Newcastle United
Half time:	0 - 3
Score Sheet:
		Quinn (14) Ameobi (24) Ameobi (40) LuaLua (86)
	Teams
Zitka Helgason Seyfo Vidarsson Van Dender Kimoto Vonasek  Gretarsson Katana De Beule Mrzlecki		Given Barton Hughes Dabizas Elliott Quinn Solano Speed Bassedas Ameobi Bellamy
Substitutes:
El Bodmossi for Vonasek (33) Zoundi for Mrzlecki (46)		S.Caldwell for Hughes (62) LuaLua for Ameobi (71) McClen for Bassedas (82)
Subs not used:
Dabanovic De Geest Van Hoey Moerenhout Musinga		Harper Bernard Green Gavilan
Bookings:
Katana (86)		Barton (55)
Sendings off:
None		None
Referee: Fernando Carmona Mendez (ESP).
Attendance: 3,000 (some sources erroneously gave the crowd as 6,000.)  The Theatre of Dreams - Lokeren Style (thanks to Watford Nick for the pics) View from the away stand of the sparsely populated main stand.  This basic two storey construction held the majority of home fans  behind the goal, with the bottom tier for standing. Note also toon  standing section in foreground - UEFA regulations about seats  with backs etc. obviously only applying in certain countries..... The other end of the ground, not needed on this (or any other)  occasion. Despite the evidence of the trees behind, the ground is  not in the Belgian equivalent of Kielder Forest, and reached by  a road that's an absolute dead ringer for Coronation Street.... There were approx 600 toon fans present, 56 without tickets who were allowed to buy them at the ground by the Belgian police. Another four were pointed out by English police spotters and apprehended by the local plod before reaching the ground.  Among interested observers in the main stand was England boss Sven Adult Books, while totally uninterested ones included Marcelino. Support was good, but renditions of Rule Britannia and No Surrender came from a section of the crowd before being drowned out by others deliberately singing toon songs.  One or two people later suggested that the instigators were dressed in toon colours but not from Newcastle. We're just not convinced by this, as the w*nkers pulled a similar trick in Belgrade, Metz, Rome etc. If people want to get into that rubbish that's fine, but this was a Newcastle match, not an orange march to Drumcree Church... Due to regular punter Mick Martin having a prior engagement, Radio Newcastle drafted in the nearest thing they could get to Wolfman Jack in the expert summarising department - Brian Kilcline. Our former stopper turned up at the ground with what appeared to be the hallmarks of some recent grappling, but confirmed that he'd merely walked into a door during the previous night's Antwerp-based merriment. The "no mobile phones" ban consisted of a bored man in an orange vest asking toon fans if they were carrying mobile phones - hardly the Spanish (or Belgian) Inquisition....   Security was tighter for those who drove, as NUFC.com reader Steve Parrish explains: "Those of us who attended the motorway rendevous point from Zeebrugge/Ostend/ Calais were thoroughly searched, both getting onto the bus at the motorway service area and at the ground.  My travelling companion even had his baseball cap removed by a member of the Belgian security forces to check he wasn't hiding anything underneath. We all had to leave our phones in our cars but fortunately they (the cars) were there when we got back.  One lad from Lobley Hill remarked, "...if they bring out the rubber gloves they can have my ticket."  PS: In the previous round, the Polish team Lubin were roared on by 20 travelling supporters in Lokeren. Must have been speedway on the telly...

14 mins Debutant Craig Bellamy broke free down the right wing and squared for Wayne Quinn to fire home from just inside the box for his first competitive Magpies goal 1-0

24 mins Bellamy intercepted a loose pass in midfield and passed for Shola Ameobi to squeeze a shot home, after quickly sizing up the situation and gathering the ball before eluding the attentions of the Lokeren 'keeper 2-0  

40 mins Shola Ameobi strode forward onto Barton's through ball and swept past  Mrzlecki before slotting his second of the night with nonchalant ease 3-0 

Half time: Lokeren 0 Newcastle 3

86 mins Lomana LuaLua netted his first senior goal for Newcastle with a spectacular bicycle kick, after Steve Caldwell flicked a centre back across the penalty area 4-0

Full time: Lokeren 0 Newcastle 4

Uncle Bobby said:

"Strikers are in the team to score goals. That's what they are judged on, and hopefully I can produce a few more this season."

Also on the scoresheet was Wayne Quinn, who chipped in with a few words:

Lokeren coach Paul Put (wasn't he a murdering dictator?) conceded:

"Too often we put ourselves in trouble because I never intended to play with the offside trap. However the players decided to play that system, it did not work very well, and cost us a couple of goals."  

Presumably Lokeren also breathed a collective sigh of relief that we'd didn't in fact sack their town and leave it in ruins, and broke the all-comers record for bar takings in the small boozer near the station and in the ground. 

Whatever did happen to that "It is Europe - there are no drink" rule ?

Counting all qualifying games, and matches in the Fairs, UEFA, Cup Winners, Anglo Italian, Champions League and Intertoto cups, this was our 70th European tie, and our 35th victory.

Shola joined the ranks of those who have netted twice in a European tie, an exclusive club with some star members: Pop Robson, Bobby Moncur, Wyn Davies, John Tudor, Tommy Craig, Alan Gowling, Gavin Peacock and of course Bez. Out in front though remain hat trick heroes Tino, Andy Cole and Bobby Lee.

This will be remembered as the day that the Toon Army became the Secret Army.

Quite what the good citizens of Lokeren were expecting from the mini-Geordie Blitzkreig wasn't clear, but pre-match paranoia and scaremongering had certainly taken their toll on many of the locals, some of whom peered out from behind twitching net curtains as if auditioning for a new series of The League of Gentlemen.

Thankfully, no unsavoury incidents marred our reputation, and the worst a good-natured, refreshed and boisterous crowd of black and whites could muster were a few brainless chants and a post-match streaker.

Most of the town had been sealed off by the local police, presumably fearing Charleroi - the sequel, but the road from the railway station to the ground featured a welcoming tavern, at which a steady stream of thirsty travellers paused throughout the afternoon.

Inside were one or two Lokeren fans, hell bent on enjoying themselves despite the seeming indifference of the townsfolk to the forthcoming match. The ale, coffee and brandy flowed, and rusty voices were tuned up for the resumption of onfield hostilities, but all amidst a non-threatening atmosphere and slightly nervous but low-key policing. 

Things were tighter nearer the ground, police vehicles and horses evident along with a clutch of flak-jacket-clad riot police complete with plastic shields. Within twenty minutes of kickoff, those helmets were being used as pillows and shields propped against a fence, as the storm troopers stood down and idled in the pleasant evening sunshine.

Tickets were on sale at the ground from an official booth, and upon entering through the decrepit gateway where once a turnstile had been, it was obvious that not only were there acres of unused seating but also that the no-standing rule was totally ignored.    

In stark contrast to the barely audible murmuring that heralded the appearance of the home team, United were welcomed with a lusty roar from those fans who had managed to walk past the welcome bar underneath the away stand.

An early goal kept the volume from the Newcastle contingent at a constant level and a second unsurprisingly arrived soon after -  confirming that this wasn't shaping up to be a fair fight. Lokeren briefly attempted to mount a response, but were unable to fashion any quality chances, save for a long range effort that Given pushed onto the cross bar.

At the other end, there were gaps a-plenty to exploit, and with Bellamy obviously trying to impress his new fanclub and Solano presumably wearing someone else's boots, the unlikely figures of Quinn and Christian Bassedas popped up in forward positions. 

Indeed Bassedas should have scored, but spurned the opportunity from 12 yards when he struck his shot straight at the keeper as he attempted to narrow the angle.

A slightly stockier-looking Shola Ameobi continued to roam across the front line, causing worried glances to be cast between the Lokeren defenders, and that deceptively languid style of ball control he possesses was put to good use for both of his goals.

With the game seemingly sewn up, half time saw the sort of mass adjournment to the bar that normally accompanies the umpires going off for bad light in test matches. Many of the throng seemed to have forgotten that there was a second half to come, and the resulting gaps in the stand after the break resulted in a slackening of the vocalising.

Lokeren also came out of the dressing room with presumably the Flemish equivalent of a flea in their collective ears and intensified their efforts in the second half. Unfortunately for them, they were again unable to build meaningful team moves, and only when individuals such as Kimoto burst forward did United look vaguely threatened.

With time ebbing away, Robson chose to introduce LuaLua to the proceedings and once again his appearance livened up the travelling contingent. He also produced the goods on the field for a change with a goal, but of course you'd be disappointed if I told you immediately prior to that he didn't look like he'd escaped from a circus....

Lomana's goal was a cracker. The subsequent crowd roar and celebration was of a genuine full-throated variety, that belied the fact the game was played in front of a small crowd in a much-derided competition. If entering this competition achieves nowt else, let's hope the goal boosts his confidence and helps him settle down. 

Certainly the reaction of his colleagues suggests the lad is a popular squad member, and he treated us to his trademark somersault celebration when back in the centre circle. However, before we all rush out and buy the I was there T-shirts, it must be reported that within seconds of the restart the same player was bearing down on goal with a great chance of a second for him and fifth for us, and he botched it.

That wrapped things up nicely, and while it was never in the same league as the famous Antwerp game, those who got there despite the dire forecasts of problems saw as competent a performance from Newcastle as could possibly be expected in their opening game of the season. It was a glorified friendly in many ways, but we don't score four goals in many of those, so that fact alone required celebrating. 

The final whistle brought deserved applause from the United fans, reciprocated by the usual members of the playing side. The other usual suspects who slope off without a backward glance did their party piece, but we'll refrain from naming and shaming in a moment of early season generosity.

As dusk fell, it was a happy squad of players who warmed down in the centre circle and a contented band of fans who made their way back to late night ferries or more likely, licensed premises.

And so the madness starts again....see you in May. 

Biffa

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