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Referee: Steven Wiggy Lodge. And the fourth official? Jeff Gutbucket Winter of course.....

Teams: 

MUFC (normal home: red shirts, white shorts, black socks) 
Barthez, G. Neville, P. Neville, Stam, Johnsen (Wallwork, 63mins), Beckham, Keane, Scholes, Cole (Yorke, 75mins), Sheringham (Solskjaer, 75mins), Giggs
Subs n/u: Van Der Gouw, Fortune.

NUFC (normal home with white socks): Given, Barton, Hughes, Goma (Dyer, 46mins), Marcelino, Dabizas, Lee (Solano, 59mins), Speed, Cordone, Cort, Shearer.
Subs n/u: Harper, Domi, Charvet
Booked: Goma 44 mins (foul on Beckham)

2 mins. Some nifty footwork from Carl Cort by the touchline ended with a Newcastle free-kick.
4 mins. Shearer had a half-chance on the right hand side of the box. Didn't quite connect properly.
5 mins. A ball from the right was nodded onto Cordone in space but it wouldn't quite fall and eventually a hurried shot was well over.
11 mins. Cort won the ball down the right and a Shearer shot was blocked.
13 mins. A shocker from the liability known as Marcelino almost put us in trouble.
14 mins. Robert Lee had a long range effort after Shearer had played the ball back to him. At the other end Andrew Cole hit a shot over the bar.
16 mins. Carl was caught offside after finding a bit of space. Better reading of the line would have seen him bearing down on baldy Barthez.
18 mins. Goma caught out by a long ball from Barthez. United escaped.
19 mins. An outstanding save from Shay as Stam rose to meet a right-sided corner. A second corner this time from the left caught our defence napping and a completely unmarked Johnsen headed powerfully into the net. Shay did get a hand to it but another stop would have been miraculous. Aaron Hughes may have cleared, had Given not palmed it into the corner but Goma and Marcleino's marking was abysmal. 0-1.      
22 mins. Giggs slid in with a bad challenge on Dabizas, no booking.
23 mins. Low delivery into the Manchester box saw Gary Speed stoop to send a header goalwards. More power might have had Barthez struggling.
27 mins. Sheringham had plenty of time to get a low shot in. Seconds later a bad backpass let in Cole who squared for Sheringham to fire just high and wide. A let-off for United.
29 mins. Aaron Hughes found some space in their box but an overhead kick went tamely into the arms of Barthez.
34 mins. Giggs skipped past Goma in our area and tumbled over a mis-timed challenge. You've seen them given at this place for less but Giggs' attempt to avoid the tackle probably saved us. Strangely Lodge neither gave a penalty nor penalised Giggs for diving....
35 mins. Impressive build-up from the home side saw Paul Scholes play in Giggs. A stunning first time volley thwacked our post before Barton hoofed it clear to the relief of Given, who had only reacted to the shot after it hads cannoned away off the upright. 
40 mins. Sliced clearance from Barthez inspired a rousing chorus from the toon section of "dodgy keeper".
43 mins. Keane shot from the right and Shay saved superbly. Goal-kick given which made it even better.
44 mins. Alain Goma brought down Beckham after losing him on the halfway line. Booked.
45 mins. A Scholes shot well saved by Shay again as it bounced awkwardly in front of him.
Added time = 1 minute

Half-time: MUFC 1 NUFC  0

46 mins. Goma replaced by Dyer as United reverted to four at the back.
46 mins. Gary Speed had a long range effort that was saved.
53 mins. Another Marcelino blunder and Cole got away. Beckham's shot was saved by Given.
58 mins. Rob Lee hit a dipping volley from the edge of the box. Not quite near enough to the upright and Barthez was able to save. Lee almost immediately replaced by Nobby Solano, to a standing ovation from the travelling supporters.
60 mins Solano put in the clear by Dyer but his cross was awful as Shearer and Cort waited to thump home the equaliser.
63 mins. Andy Cole headed over as Sheringham waited in front of an empty net. Wallwork replaced a limping Johnsen.
67 mins. Cordone cut in from the left and a curling shot was destined for the corner before Barthez made a reasonably confortable save.
68 mins. Cole played an impressive one-two with Giggs on the edge of our box and finished with a hard low shot past Given to seal the points. 0-2
70 mins. Barton shot from distance but it went well wide.
75 mins. Solskjaer replaced Sheringham and Yorke replace Cole.
82 mins. Solskjaer's shot was saved well by Given.
86 mins. Scholes hit over the bar as United's defence looked vulnerable .
87 mins. Cross from the right found Cort unmarked. His header seemed certain to go in but just shaved the post. However, the linesman was already flagging for Cordone who had strayed offside behind Cort.
Added time = 1 minute

Final Score: MUFC 2 NUFC  0

They said: Miserable Alex grinned broadly and said: 

''They set out their system to make it difficult for us but we found a way through that and we did very well today.We were really on song. We were determined, quick in our passing, we had a good tempo to our game.The only disappointment in the first half is that we missed one or two chances You have to work hard to play at the top level and the players here enjoy that. We are very lucky that we have a work ethic.

Their goalkeeper Shay Given made three fantastic saves.”

We said:  Uncle Bobby commented: 

''They've played beautifully. I've said to my players, 'You've got to learn from that.' They're just a class act.

'We were outrun a bit in the first half, but in the second half we played much better with fewer people in defence. The good thing about Man United is that you've only got to come here once - our season starts now. On that form they really will take some stopping.

I am annoyed at the way we let Manchester United get in two free headers from corners kicks in the space of a minute. I blew my top last Sunday night after the Espanol game and I mentioned it again before yesterday's match. But it happened again and I am not very happy. We should have done a lot better considering the aerial ability we have.

They only had Jaap Stam, Teddy Sheringham and Ronny Johnsen yet we had six headers of the ball in Alan Shearer, Gary Speed, Carl Cort and the three central defenders."

When asked who our best player was, Bobby had no hesitation in naming goalkeeper Given; 

“But only because he had the most to do ! Gary Speed was our best outfield player. Daniel Cordone looked a bit dangerous but we did not get the ball to him enough. And as far as Alan Shearer and Carl Cort are concerned they have not really had the chance to form any sort of partnership. But they will do better once we get the service to them."

Waffle: 

Well, it could have been worse...much worse. As expected, we left Old Trafford with nothing more than a negative goal difference, and a temporary place in history as being part of the largest Premiership crowd. Presumably the 67,000 + attendance included Goma and Marcelino, who were certainly spectators when the home side took the lead....

While cup ties seem to present no obstacle to us at Old Trafford, matches against the landlords tend to be somewhat different affairs, and our 28 year win-less streak here never looked likely to be broken once a three man central defensive line was announced. Quite simply, we came for the draw and couldn't quite claw back the one goal deficit by the time Bobby injected some pace and creativity into our pedestrian midfield.

However, for most of the game we at least competed with the reds on vaguely equal terms, and managed to put together a few moves once we remembered that the ball was there to be controlled rather than avoided. Some good work from Cordone going forward was nullified by his clumsiness at crucial times, while both Shearer and Cort were pulled out to the flanks in an increasingly vain struggle to make any impression on the game.

The defence too seemed ill at ease, both with the Goma/Marcelino/Dabizas combo in the middle and the uncomfortable afternoon endured by Hughes in the full back role that he just doesn't fit into. Bobby did spring one minor shock at half time, when Marcelino was preferred to Goma as a partner for Dabizas in a conventional back four, prompting whispers that the Frenchman was injured yet again.

As for the travelling toon fans (including Tim Healy), the usual Manc/cockney baiting was indulged in, with old favourites "You'll Never Walk Alone" and wing-waggling being joined by newer ditties such as "Sixty Thousand Muppets". The highlight however came during the half time interval when a decidedly portly Eusebio took the field to present some odd-shaped trophies for being old to Messrs Law, Charlton and Best. As the three old stagers wandered out to collect their trinkets (to the largest cheers of the day), the Newcastle fans honoured Best with a stirring rendition of "We Are the Drunk and disorderly". Strangely enough, the following lap of honour was at the far end of the ground from where we were......

So, in much the same manner as the Charity Shield a few years ago, Newcastle were beaten at the start of the season by a team that did what was required of them, and never looked remotely troubled by our attempts at dislodging them from the inevitable victory. Hopefully we can do our best to erase all memories of the contest by next Wednesday, when our season really starts. No doubt the red machine will be in full swing by the time they appear at St.James' in December, but you only have to go back to last season to remember that sometimes the good guys do win, and deservedly so. Nil desperandum. 

Biffa